February 14, 2006

Gift Shop (Tragically Hip)

When a single girl or woman becomes pregnant in the United States, you almost immediately hear someone ask if she plans on getting married. After all, a child born out of wedlock is frowned upon in the U.S.. A child born out of wedlock is considered a bastard, and the girl or woman is "obviously" promiscuous. I think the church has a lot to do with these views.
There are many people married in Sweden, however more then half of all children in Sweden today are born outside of marriage. This does not mean that their mothers are single but that many adults choose to cohabit rather than get married. The term in Sweden is “Sambo”, loosely translated, life partner. Some sambo couples get engaged or wear gold bands just like married folks.
The social pressures that exist in the U.S. are nonexistent in Sweden. Parents don't get as upset when their child comes home and tells them they or their girlfriend is pregnant. They don't try to force a marriage simply because there is a child involved. The church doesn't preach about the evils of fornication and having pre-marital sex. Couples have their babies christened in the church and the priests don't have a problem with the marital status of the parents.
If you are married, it is called "Gift". Although it isn't pronounced the same as the english word, I just love this. I think this is such an appropriate word and your spouse should be treated like they are a gift. Of course, being gift or having a sambo doesn't mean relationships are guaranteed to last. People in Sweden divorce, separate and break up. Some people break up with their sambo's and have children with another sambo, just like in America. I don't know what the statistics are, but I don't think they are too different.
Being a person who has been married a couple of times, I have looked at divorce sometimes like it is failure. I envy the family and friends who have been in long term marriages or relationships. My friend Susan, who has been married for over 25 years said the secret to a good marriage is to take one day at a time. I hope someday, many years from now someone asks my gift (because he really is a gift) and I what our secret is.

1 comment:

Loll said...

Hej Peggy, thanks for your kind words about my photos! Now I am going to add something new, there is also a way of keeping a relationshiop in Sweden called "särbo" it means living apart, but beeing together. Jorgen and I have chosen that way of keeping our relationship going. We have our own apartments, and date each other regulary. Working fine!